


Geese and Swans

by Fallen_angel_of_time23



Series: Haylellujah Gift Fics [7]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ducks, Geese, Raph shares a personal fact, Swans, and a fear, crowley can't stop antagonizing the birds, goose - Freeform, peaceful times turn funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 05:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21156581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_angel_of_time23/pseuds/Fallen_angel_of_time23
Summary: Aziraphale wants to read. Crowley is bored and bobbing ducks. They want to know where geese come from. Raphael has an answer.





	Geese and Swans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [haylellujah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/haylellujah/gifts).

It was a quaint little cottage in the South Downs, tucked up and away from any type of traffic: car, human, or otherwise. It had a nice little flower garden in the front, up along the stone pathway to the door, and under the front windows. There was a tree or two in the middle of the yard, with more lining the property edge - they rather disliked fences, something about posts looking too much like bars. 

The rolling hills of the countryside were a lovely view from the porch, and very much enjoyed in the morning by both of the occupants living here. They especially liked to watch the sunrise on winter days, wrapped in blankets with steaming drinks in hand (and a splash of something alcoholic, you know, for the warmth). 

But it was around back that truly was the marvel. 

The back porch dropped down to a garden, filled with every known type of plant. Some edible, others not. All beautiful nonetheless. White rock pathways wound throughout the plants, an occasional bench left the feeling this was a public place, but this garden was visited by no one but the owners. It extended for a handful of exceptionally well maintained acres before reaching the edge of a pond. 

Technically called a duck pond, this body of water was home to a miraculous view. Golden-orange fish swam lazily, blooming lily pads floated on the surface, reeds grew along one bank and sang when the wind blew. A willow tree casts its shadow on the opposite bank, it’s roots providing home to small animals and other flowers. Its branches - reaching high up toward the sky - held many nests, and often a choir of songbirds could be heard. 

This little pond, with its clear, clean, refreshing water, and swim-able depths, was a favorite reading spot for a particular Angel, and an enjoyable pastime for one specific Demon. 

Spring always brought the arrival of a wild-flower meadow, and - much to the mixed delight and anguish of said Angel and Demon - a flock of geese, ducks, and swans. The babies were a delight. The parents were hell-spawn. 

_______

“Crowley, _ darling _ , will you _ please _ leave the poor ducks alone. If you drown the parents, the ducklings will be left helpless.”

“I’m not going to drown the damn thing, Angel, jeeze.”

“Well you still shouldn’t terrorize the poor creature, luv.”

“Ye-we-ya-um- Well you see, Angel, the feathered creature is quite alright.”

“Yes, now that you’ve stopped.”

“Well what can I say? You’re _ reading _ . I have to entertain myself somehow! If I can’t bob ducks, then I’ll be bored to _ death _. If you want me alive, I need to bob ducks.”

“_ That _, my dear, is entirely at your own risk.”

“What _ risk _? Ducks can’t harm a demon!”

“Mmmm.”

“See. Bob, bob, bob. Nothing. I’m not killing it and it’s not-”

“Crowley? Pray tell, why are you screaming? I am - like you said - trying to _ read _.”

“AZIRAPHALE YOU BLOODY ANGEL GET TELL THE DAMN THING TO STOP CHASING ME!”

“I’m reading, luv.”

“AZIRAPHALE I SWEAR TO SOMETHING IF YOU DON’T HELP ME!”

“Yes?”

“I WON’T MAKE YOU TEA OR COCOA FOR A WHOLE BLOODY WEEK!”

“Now, now, Crowley. Isn’t that a little extreme? Like you said, a duck can’t harm a demon.”

“_ AZIRAPHALE _!!!”

“Still reading, Dear.”

“I WILL FIND YOU WHATEVER RARE BOOK YOU DON’T HAVE IN YOUR COLLECTION!”

“Oooh. Now that _ is _ interesting. Too bad I’m not currently on the hunt for anything specific.”

“WHA-HO-YOU! OH!”

“Oh, would you look at that! What a sight! The poor thing has you backed up against the tree like a frightened cat! It’s just quacking, Crowley, surely you can handle one, angry duck.”

“GET. THIS. FUCKING. ABOMINATION. AWAY. FROM. ME. ANGEL.”

“Oh _ alright _.”

“Thank you.”

“Was that really so terrifying?”

“I am _ not _ answering that…”

“Oh Crowley, haha.”

“You know what, why don’t _ you _ go pet one and see what happens.”

“Well of course I know what’s going to happen. Ducks _ are _ Heaven’s creation.”

“No~”

“Mhm.”

“I thought you lot made swans? You know: white, regal, symbol of love, etc.”

“Hm? No, no. We made ducks. They were our interpretation of demons. Beady eyes, dark colors, foul attitude - as you said - etc.”

“Oh well that means what Hastur said makes a lot more sense then.”

“And what did Hastur say?”

“That swans are as big of pricks as Angels are.”

“Hmph. That’s not true! Not in the slightest.”

“Who made them, then?”

“Well it wasn’t us…”

“Exactly. Ducks were your demons, and swans - apparently - were our angels.”

“Well I, for one, find no similarities. Or humor.”

“_ Angel _~”

“No, no. You don’t get to use that voice for something like this.”

“_ And why not? Hmm~ _”

“Because.”

“_ Because…? You normally love my temptation, Aziraphale~ _”

“And that’s _ exactly _ why you’re not using for another second! You _ know _ I can’t resist is, you fowl thing.”

“Oh, alright, I’ll stop. But you know you love it.”

“I cannot speak on that matter, but I do know I love _ you _.”

“Uh, um, ye-yes. Well, uh, see, um, askhajdksKajLDJLhdka. _ ILOVEYOUTOO _!”

“It’s all right, I know Dear.”

“So…” 

“Yes?”

“If Heaven made ducks, and Hell made swans…”

“Mhm. Where are you going with this, Crowley?”

“Who made geese?”

“Oh, well wouldn’t that have been you?”

“Nope!”

“Well it certainly wasn’t us.”

“Unless…”

“Oh….”

“It could have been _ us _.”

“Oh no….”

“Shall we see?”

“Must we?”

“You know my curiosity.”

“Yes, I do. Very well then, take my hand.”

_______

_ It’s been a while since they have merged. I haven’t been here before. _

_ What a picturesque little house. It is perfect for them, I’m happy they found their own Eden. Garden and all, it seems. Peaceful, too. No human disturbances. Sublime. _

_ Hmm… I wonder what caused their merger though. Usually it has been danger or an overwhelming love or desire for closeness. But this… this feels different. They have a question. What an odd pair. Let’s see, _ _ what is their question…? _

_ Did I create geese?! For beings who now have access to my memories, they sure do like to not use them. Yes, I created geese. Before the Fall, obviously. God had asked me to create something for The Garden that would be a living symbol of me and my work with the stars. I’ll admit, my expertise was in the Cosmos, not Life. And I wasn’t as, um, grounded I suppose you can say, as I am now. Mixing my work with the sky, my disgruntled attitude, curious but protective nature, and lack of experience with forming Life, I ended up with the goose. Thankfully, it wasn’t my job to name the poor creature. Just to create it. _

_ Now, what in God’s creation led you two to ask me about something like this? Let me see. OH MY! Crowley, you really let a duck corner you against a tree? Listen, ducks and swans are puny creatures that will be scared off at a moment’s notice. You just need to have confidence. Now, geese. Those twisted spawns have all the righteous fury I do, but without mercy and love. They are like the evil twin I never wanted, but somehow created. I believe you, Aziraphale, would say this situation is a mix between Frankenstein and something Shakespeare. If you ever see a goose coming after you, flee. There is no winning against the darker parts of one’s self when directly faced off against them. Got that? Geese are worse than Satan himself. I don’t care that I created them. They are terrifying and if any of them so much as hiss in my direction I am hiding in that house until winter! _

_______

“The snow is beautiful!”

“Yeah it is, Angel. The sun makes it look like it’s on fire.”

“Reminds me of the sunrises in Heaven. How the sky would turn orange and pink every morning with a burning love.”

“I remember.”

“I could never forget.”

“No, that’s not something you can forget.”

“Do you ever miss it?”

“Not once.”

“Neither do I.”

“This is so much better.”

“It’s perfect, Crowley. Absolutely perfect.”

“_ Well _… I don’t know about that. Those blasted birds haven’t flown South yet. PISS OFF YOU BLOODY FUCKS!”

“Now, now. Don’t antagonize the geese, Dear. That’s just _ asking _ for trouble.”

“Listen, Angel, I’ve been cooped up in that bloody house for too damn long! This is my first time outside in a while and I plan to make the most of it!”

“Well, if that creature hisses at you, I will not be held accountable for Raphael’s actions.”

“That damn bird can’t even hear me.”

“Still, be careful.”

“I’m being care-- SHIT SHIT SHIT _ FUCK _!”

_ DEMON BIRD. DEMON BIRD. INSIDE, INSIDE, INSIDE. _

_ WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS ANTAGONIZE THE SPAWN I’VE CREATED!? _

_ FUCK! _

* * *


End file.
